爆笑：美国住院医的逗逼病历
2014/12/31 医学界杂志

     导读：看看这些连续工作24小时以上的美国住院医们写出病历有多么逗逼!

     作者：张媛/李嘉华 插图：娄莹

     来源：百歌医学 微信号

     俗话说喝醉酒的人喜欢说我还没醉，值夜班的住院医都喜欢说我很清醒。

     看看这些连续工作24小时以上的美国住院医们写出病历有多么逗逼!在美国做住院医很忙，写错字在所难免，更加上美国住院医师队伍中有相当一批是歪果(外国)医学院的歪果仁(International Medical Graudates, IMGs)，本来英语就不是母语，困了脑袋一短路，写出来的东西就思路广阔，让人忍俊不已了。

     本文作者张媛医生明年(2015年)就要完成Internal Medicine Residency(内科住院医师培训)所有的培训了，让我们看看她这这三年来精心收集到的各种爆笑病历，让大家过一个“羊头对不上马嘴”的欢乐新年吧!

     ——This patient refused autopsy (大哥，其实你想说biopsy(活检)吧？)

     ——The patient has no previous history of suicides… (脑洞真大!正常人之前都没自杀过好吗…)

     ——Patient has left white blood cell at another hospital (让姐直译：“病人把白细胞落在另一家医院了” 那可得赶紧回去找找，丢光了就麻烦了。我猜您是想说Patient has left shifted white blood cell result (核左移)at another hospital吧？)

     ——Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three years (看来40磅的体重增加是小菜一碟~ 你看的是大象吗？)

     ——Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year (你压一年你也疼!)

     ——…while in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home… (x-rayed才是拍过X线片儿，x-rated是指给电影评级为X的A片…姐秒懂你!)

     ——On the second day the knee was better and on the third day is disappeared (您没上过改病句的英语课吧？什么做的膝盖啊？第二天好一点第三天就不翼而飞了。)

     ——The patient was tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed (明摆着depressed了，这还用得了appears to be吗？还能更depressed一点吗？)

     ——The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993 (医生，您是有多丑啊~)

     ——Discharging status: alive, but without my permission (活着出院也得我批准，我是阎王，有权，任性!)

     ——Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful (您想说什么呀？到底是alert还是健忘啊？还是alert到了发现自己健忘？…)

     ——Patient has waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch。 (Anorexia好吃咩？)

     ——She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband stated she was very hot in bed last night (姐不乱想前半句，就把后半句翻译过来：“她丈夫说她昨晚在床上特别内啥~”。骚年，Hot这词忒强悍咧，是你们handle不了的!请用Febrile!)

     ——She is numb from the toes down (整个人身就是Head-to-toe, Toe已经是最下面了，还Down到哪里呀？想说鞋麻木了吗？)

     ——The skin was moist and dry (这位医生是不是有bipolar？)

     ——Patient was alert and unresponsive (姐我懂你，医生您的脑子完全没有短路，而是这个病人故意不理你的!)

     ——Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid (您的手指好长呦~)

     ——She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce (咱做女人的，一生中总会爱上几个渣男，这次渣到了连屎都拉不利索。)

     ——I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy (我猜想是你漏了个“e”吧，如果你觉得车底可以做物理治疗的话就当我没说吧。)

     ——Both breath are equal and reactive to light and accommodation (是想说Pupils吧？您是不是一打瞌睡，把中间的那段Note给删掉了？让我想起了初中抄作业抄串行的光荣经历。)

     乐死了没？~

     欢迎关注本文作者微博张媛新浪微博：http://weibo.com/u/1938575121

     李嘉华新浪微博：http://weibo.com/huahantang

     娄莹新浪微博：http://weibo.com/u/2328017470

     说出你的故事想和界友们一起分享您的行医故事？欢迎投稿至yxjtougao@126.com ，期待您的故事。

     打赏界哥界妹～

     如果你觉得这篇文章还不错，请点一下底部的小手指，给界哥界妹一点鼓励吧；如果你看到界哥界妹勤劳聪明天天陪你加班加点大口吐血只为给你做出好内容不容易，就打赏下吧，别担心，不花钱，戳一下最下面的广告，就ok啦~

    http://www.duyihua.cn
返回 医学界杂志 返回首页 返回百拇医药